"It's all kind of a blur," he said, running his wet hand back through his hair, almost exasperated. A few droplets dripped down his face, and he wiped them away with his arm. "But I'm pretty sure they ran closer to I'm sorry. I don't... Do the first thoughts really matter? I'm afraid of the consequences now, and whether or not I was then, right after it happened... It doesn't play into it."