"This is a scene straight out of The Da Vinci Code," he muttered under his breath, though he didn't make to move away, instead simply letting his arms fall to his sides, his fingers skimming over the surface of the water. With a deep breath, he opened his eyes, searching her face.
"I don't..." he started haltingly, then trailed off, blowing air through his teeth. "It's remembering -- not what it was like to drown, because that was just a means to an end -- but why I wanted to drown. It's remembering that mindset, and the morbid certainty I had that that day would be my last. I don't want to die, Layla, but my God, what I'd do to have that sort of clarity again. And that's... That's what's terrifying. My epiphany didn't happen after I jumped. It happened before. How messed up is that?"
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timeasmymeasure
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Date: 2010-03-25 06:27 am (UTC)"I don't..." he started haltingly, then trailed off, blowing air through his teeth. "It's remembering -- not what it was like to drown, because that was just a means to an end -- but why I wanted to drown. It's remembering that mindset, and the morbid certainty I had that that day would be my last. I don't want to die, Layla, but my God, what I'd do to have that sort of clarity again. And that's... That's what's terrifying. My epiphany didn't happen after I jumped. It happened before. How messed up is that?"